Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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