i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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