JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
