ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
