Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
