i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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