Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was born a porn star she said
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
