peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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