Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Randomize
