I can text with my tongue
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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