think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
