Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
