Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
