I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
