It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
