i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
