I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
