Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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