I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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