WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
