One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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