I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
