I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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