I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
