remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
