just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
