Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
