I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
