The maid of honor just puked.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
