oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You pole danced in your parka.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize