she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
