i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will pee on everything he values.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
