this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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