i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
soo... how was my night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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