If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
