i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
