I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize