I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
don't judge my taste in strippers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
