I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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