Already got asked if we're dating
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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