Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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