so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
