I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
