Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
