Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
