For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
