i barfeds in our rink
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
