just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
