I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
