I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
