ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize