I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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