Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
