they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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