he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize