We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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