Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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