My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
