I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
