First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
