Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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