I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
