I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize