Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
