And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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