Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
