I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
