i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
