so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
