Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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