I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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