I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
