I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
