You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
