fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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