You're completely useless in the revolution.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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