"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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