Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
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