The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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