Got a toothbrush?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
