I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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