Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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