im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
