You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
