I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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