I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
