when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
