summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
