Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
