i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
