i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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