So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
